Wasn't gonna post because of the way I feel but thought just writing a blog post would help me. I've got to be honest and say I'm really down in the dumps at the moment, think what my emotions have gone through and are still going through have taken their toll.
I'm not sleeping properly so I know thats not helping but its really when I home alone I just feel like garbage, I've no get up mand go, cant even concentrate on watching TV. Today as been real bad, think I'm bordering on depression but am determined to pull myself out of it. When I got up to get my meal I felt close to tears as it gets but for no reason, just feel so sad.
When I'm with people or chatting its ok keeps my mind occupied, its the times I'm here by myself my head just screws up. Weekend was great away with the table tennis team and was just fine. Had a good chat to Paula yesterday which boosted me up, not about this just lots of other things, don't want to trouble her she got enough on her plate at present.
I do feel isolated and sort of lonely with not too many people I can really talk to about how I feel, not really close to too many, of course people ask how I'm doing and the reply is always ok.
Its actually easier at times to talk to online friends and friends from afar, I've one lady friend I've known a long time from down south who is good, she says phone anytime and I've been talking to her on the phone quite a bit, I'm very grateful for her friendship and help/advice.
Trouble is I'm not good at asking for advice, always been the shoulder for others and a positive person, I've never felt this low, don't know where its going.
Luckily I'm out at Pool tonight, be good to have a laugh with the lads but nothing on next two nights could be tough going. I've a couple of Pool singles to rearrange so maybe fit them in although I don't think it will be a great idea to find myself going to the Pub every night.
Away this weekend which is good but then two dead weekends that I'm not to enthusiastic about before I go to Portugal which I hope helps.
Need to sort my head out.
Gee this is a miserable post, suppose thats what blogging is about, no use pretending.
3 comments:
Mick,
This does not sound great, I know you like to be tough but maybe you should chat with a pro and tell them how you feel.
Know you've been through a difficult time but you are one person that will come through it.
thinking about you xx
If it's mostly at home that you feel like that, have you thought about getting a house mate?
You aren't working at the moment are you? Maybe a part time job would be good too?
Maybe even a hobby to keep you occupied at home?
I agree that maybe you need to talk to a professional. It doesn't make you weak to search out help. In fact you may even wonder why you hadn't done it sooner.
[[HUGS]]
Thanks for your comments, things you mention i'm thinking about.
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