Goodbye Jane - RIP

Goodbye my darling thanks for making the last 15 months so special I'll never forget you xxx

Still Can't believe it

I'm still finding it hard to come to terms with Jane's death it feels like a nightmare and I want to wake up from it. I'll not see her sweet smile again, its so difficult to understand why this has happend.

Everytime my phone bleeps I think it should be a text from Jane, when I check my emails I'm still expecting one from her, its so strange.

I'm not looking forward to the funeral on Wednesday, I know its going to be a final goodbye. I'm going down Tuesday and staying over with Janes parents they are really nice people, I feel so sorry for them, it must be hard for parents to bury their Child.

I've asked if I can say a few words at the funeral, it'll be hard and emotional but I feel I need to do it.

My Inspiration

Jane was a very unselfish person, she always put others first.
At one stage earlier in the year I suggested to Jane that I cut back on some of my other commitments so I could spend more time with her, I told her I would cut back on some of my weekend Table Tennis competititions.
She would not let me and her solution was to come along and support me, remember her coming along to watch me play at Swindon for my Veterans National League team. She was quite nervous the night before and really worried she would put me off. Actually as it turned out I think she inspired me and I won all 10 of my matches that weekend helping my team to promotion. She never saw me lose.

Feeling Low

Today I've been feeling down can't get Jane's lovely sweet smile out of my mind things just don't seem real. This morning I ordered my flowers for her funeral and when it came to writing the message I had a bit of an emotional moment.
I'm really missing her which may seem strange because the distance between our homes meant we only met up once a month. However every morning when I turned on my phone would they be a nice message or when I checked emails there would be some joke, we talked on the phone or IM, we just communicated all the time.
To be honest at present I'm so non motivated to do anything, I'm eating too much and just feeling sorry for myself. What dissapoints me is Jane wouldn't want me like this she wanted me to stay strong but its not easy. I really loved her, maybe I can start to move on after the funeral next Wednesday but I'll never forget her.

An Angel

Jane was a fantastic person to know, she was so easy to get on with and always put others first. She also loved animals and one day she really loved was a visit to the Zoo on our last holiday.
When we first found out the devastating news about how ill she was, her first reaction was to think of me, she said she would understand if I walked away from our relationship, she didn't want me to go through a hard time.
No way was I gonna do that and deep down I'm sure she was pleased with the time I spent at her hospital bedside, I really loved her and still do, I will never forget her.

Jane's Music

One thing that Jane & myself had in common was a love of music although our tastes did vary, not saying we disliked each others stuff we both respected each others tastes. Jane was more into voice and loved Elvis, The Drifters, Billy Ocean, Billy Joel, to mention a few. Personally I'm more into instruments especially guitar love classic rock & Blues.

Anyway my todays song is one that Jane wanted playing at her funeral, I now cry when I hear it :-

Goodbye my little Cheesecake

Although I'm obviously still heartbroken over what has happend, I'm trying to think of all the good times I had with Jane over the last 15 months. I remember once telling Jane I give everyone I like a nickname, of course straight away she asked what hers was, I told her "Cheesecake" not just a plain one but "Stawberry Cheesecake".
She asked why on earth I called her that, the answer was easy just told her I found her irresistable just like I do Strawberry Cheesecake. She liked then liked the name and it stuck.
She always had a fun sense of humour and when I visited her in hospital while she was very ill she joked she'd now have to be my "Lemon Cheesecake" due to the colour her skin had gone from the poison in her system.

Here is my todays song for Jane RIP my darling

WHY ?

First I'd like to thank all the many friends that knew about what has happend for their emails of sympathy and their support following the tragic death of my my girlfriend, it was really appreciated.

I am still devastated and can't believe how quick it all happend and the only question I can come up with is "Why ?".


I know none of you knew Jane but she was a lovely person would do anything for anyone, she loved people and animals, she always put others first. I really thought I'd hit the jackpot finding her and nothing can take away the memory of these last 15 months since we first met.


I can't believe only a few weeks ago we were having a great time on holiday in Chicago and not a clue she was ill.



Still don't know when the funeral is should maybe find out tomorrow, I feel it will be my last chance to say goodbye. Don't think my life will ever be the same, she changed me for the better.

Loved her to bits.

Gonna post a song per day for Jane until the funeral :-

Sorry

Sorry I haven't been around anyones blogs, things are not good with a friend seriously ill and I'm spending much of time away from home visiting and offering my support.