Weigh in Wednesday - Ready for Holiday

Posting from my accomodation before I fly to Lisbon tomorrow and am pleased to anounce another pound lost. As I'll be away next week it'll be 2 weeks to my next weigh in, lets see what damage the holiday does.

Story so far :-

Start Weight (4th Jan)      - 225lb
11th Jan                          -  223lb
18th Jan                          - 221lb
25th Jan                          -  218lb
1st Feb                            - 217lb
8th Feb                            - 217lb
15th Feb                          - 216lb
22nd Feb                         - 215lb
29th Feb                          - 212lb
7th Mar                           - 211lb
14th Mar                          -210lb

As I said earlier I visited Janes parents onroute which was great to see them and her brother took a couple of hours off work to come and see me. Really good catting to them all.
Before I got to their house I called at the cemetery to leave some flowers at Janes grave. I spent just under an hour there, got quite emotional just sat on a seat nearby nd thought about the time we had together, loads of memories came flooding back. Really pleased I went its something I needed to do.

Mixed Emotions

Looking forward to going to Lisbon this week, never seem to lose my thirst for adventure and travel, just love discovering new places and meeting new people.

Still I'm very nervous not about the holiday but the fact I'm going down to Winchester Wednesday to visit Janes parents and spend some time at her grave. Its something I feel I need to do but I'm actually scared about what effect it will have on me as my emotions are pretty shot at the moment. Its certainly gonna bring back a lot of happy memories which in turn will create sadness I'm sure. Loved her a lot think she did me and I really think if she was still here it would have been a lifelong partnership. Can't believe its coming up to 3 years, life really does kick you sometimes.
To be fair emotionally I've been much improved of late the ups have been beating the downs so hope I can deal with it.

Music Monday - Valentines Day for Singles

Well it is Valentnes Day and not a great one for us singles so I'll dedicate todays post to all of us that are on our own for whatever reason.

We'll start with Roy Orbison "Only the Lonely"



Of couse we are all looking for our dream partner so here is Wreckless Eric "Whole Wide World"



Of course we can't forget all those that hve been cruelly Jilted so here is Jilted John with "Jilted John"



Ok it can get worse (not the music quality) here is Etta James with "Stop the Wedding"



Of course we can't leave out those of us that have lost the person we love so here is Led Zepplin "Stairway to Heaven"



RIP Jane its been a long 18 months since I lost you but will never forget.

Goodbye Jane - RIP

Goodbye my darling thanks for making the last 15 months so special I'll never forget you xxx

Still Can't believe it

I'm still finding it hard to come to terms with Jane's death it feels like a nightmare and I want to wake up from it. I'll not see her sweet smile again, its so difficult to understand why this has happend.

Everytime my phone bleeps I think it should be a text from Jane, when I check my emails I'm still expecting one from her, its so strange.

I'm not looking forward to the funeral on Wednesday, I know its going to be a final goodbye. I'm going down Tuesday and staying over with Janes parents they are really nice people, I feel so sorry for them, it must be hard for parents to bury their Child.

I've asked if I can say a few words at the funeral, it'll be hard and emotional but I feel I need to do it.

My Inspiration

Jane was a very unselfish person, she always put others first.
At one stage earlier in the year I suggested to Jane that I cut back on some of my other commitments so I could spend more time with her, I told her I would cut back on some of my weekend Table Tennis competititions.
She would not let me and her solution was to come along and support me, remember her coming along to watch me play at Swindon for my Veterans National League team. She was quite nervous the night before and really worried she would put me off. Actually as it turned out I think she inspired me and I won all 10 of my matches that weekend helping my team to promotion. She never saw me lose.

Feeling Low

Today I've been feeling down can't get Jane's lovely sweet smile out of my mind things just don't seem real. This morning I ordered my flowers for her funeral and when it came to writing the message I had a bit of an emotional moment.
I'm really missing her which may seem strange because the distance between our homes meant we only met up once a month. However every morning when I turned on my phone would they be a nice message or when I checked emails there would be some joke, we talked on the phone or IM, we just communicated all the time.
To be honest at present I'm so non motivated to do anything, I'm eating too much and just feeling sorry for myself. What dissapoints me is Jane wouldn't want me like this she wanted me to stay strong but its not easy. I really loved her, maybe I can start to move on after the funeral next Wednesday but I'll never forget her.

An Angel

Jane was a fantastic person to know, she was so easy to get on with and always put others first. She also loved animals and one day she really loved was a visit to the Zoo on our last holiday.
When we first found out the devastating news about how ill she was, her first reaction was to think of me, she said she would understand if I walked away from our relationship, she didn't want me to go through a hard time.
No way was I gonna do that and deep down I'm sure she was pleased with the time I spent at her hospital bedside, I really loved her and still do, I will never forget her.

Jane's Music

One thing that Jane & myself had in common was a love of music although our tastes did vary, not saying we disliked each others stuff we both respected each others tastes. Jane was more into voice and loved Elvis, The Drifters, Billy Ocean, Billy Joel, to mention a few. Personally I'm more into instruments especially guitar love classic rock & Blues.

Anyway my todays song is one that Jane wanted playing at her funeral, I now cry when I hear it :-

Goodbye my little Cheesecake

Although I'm obviously still heartbroken over what has happend, I'm trying to think of all the good times I had with Jane over the last 15 months. I remember once telling Jane I give everyone I like a nickname, of course straight away she asked what hers was, I told her "Cheesecake" not just a plain one but "Stawberry Cheesecake".
She asked why on earth I called her that, the answer was easy just told her I found her irresistable just like I do Strawberry Cheesecake. She liked then liked the name and it stuck.
She always had a fun sense of humour and when I visited her in hospital while she was very ill she joked she'd now have to be my "Lemon Cheesecake" due to the colour her skin had gone from the poison in her system.

Here is my todays song for Jane RIP my darling

WHY ?

First I'd like to thank all the many friends that knew about what has happend for their emails of sympathy and their support following the tragic death of my my girlfriend, it was really appreciated.

I am still devastated and can't believe how quick it all happend and the only question I can come up with is "Why ?".


I know none of you knew Jane but she was a lovely person would do anything for anyone, she loved people and animals, she always put others first. I really thought I'd hit the jackpot finding her and nothing can take away the memory of these last 15 months since we first met.


I can't believe only a few weeks ago we were having a great time on holiday in Chicago and not a clue she was ill.



Still don't know when the funeral is should maybe find out tomorrow, I feel it will be my last chance to say goodbye. Don't think my life will ever be the same, she changed me for the better.

Loved her to bits.

Gonna post a song per day for Jane until the funeral :-