Well its that time of year that most people look forward to, yes it'll soon be Christmas. Before I go on I'd like to wish all that read this a very Merry Christmas.
Personally for the first time in my life I'm not looking forward to it, to be honest I'll be glad when its all over. Of course like everyone I'm expected to be seen to enjoying it but I just don't feel like celebrating, going to parties just wish I could hibernate while Jan 1st.
I've still got to do the traditional things, the tree is up, the cards are sent, the relatives will be entertained but I ain't gonna enjoy any of it.
The first half of 2009 was going great and my life was on the up, but since I lost Jane to that terrible illness I've felt lonely and Christmas is not the time to be lonely. I know it may seem strange as I've been single many times at this time of year in the past but it seems so different this time.
Of course Jane would be last person to want me feeling like this but I can't hide my emotions its how I feel, 2009 is a year that really broke my heart.
Anyway I need to look to the future and hopfully 2010 is going to be a good year, not sure what direction I will take or what life as in store for me but thats part of the adventure I suppose.
So take care my friends, again I hope you and your families have a fantastic holiday period and next year is great for all of us.
3 comments:
Mick: I think that it is perfectly appropriate for you to still be feeling enormous grief. Many many people feel their grief more intens4ely during the various holiday seasons. The world around you and them and me shows the warm togetherness of loving families. To a large extent, this is a myth. Many families come together reluctantly if at all. Still, the warm images that we see strikes hard at people who are alone. As you (and I and many others) know, you can be alone even with others around you. Experience your grief as you feel it. Let in the bits of joy as they come. That's my hope for you and that the experiences of joy multiply in the days, weeks, and years ahead.
The first time for everthing is always the hardest, so it's understandable you feel like you do.
I also dont have the spirit this year, havn't even out the Xmas tree up, just couldn't be bothered.
Try and have a good Xmas Mick.
Mick, my best friend lost her father last January and she has not felt like having Christmas AT ALL. No decorations, etc. and she has finally started some shopping (yes, just this week).
Jane had a huge role in your life and in your future. You are completely entitled to mourn her passing as long as you need to, Christmas be damned. And if anyone tries to tell you otherwise, they can be damned, too!
I'm thinking of you, Mick. I wish that you find at least some moments of peace this season.
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